Darkly dreamer

"Survival of the fittest". After 4.6 billion years, evolution, creation and everything in between that and nature, comes down to it. It’s the circle of life. What does it mean to survive. Is it to live? To adapt? To be the top of the food chain? To go undetected?

Humans are social creatures. They need company. They need to interact. They need to show empathy...compassion... emotion. I dont know why. And frankly I dont care.  Without interaction, society would crumble into chaos. Or so they say. Are there others like me? Unable to feel, to give back whatever emotion that is dished out at them? maybe. If so, they aren't doing a very good job showing it.

Daily routine forces them to show it. They see a baby on the road. They need to coo over it. To say “aww. Kiss kiss hug hug”  it’s pathetic and depressing. I'm disgusted. Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.

Whatever made me the way I am left me hollow, empty inside, unable to feel. It doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm quite sure most people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake it all. I fake it very well, and the feelings are never there.

Guilt is one emotion that I never understood. I just don’t get it. I’ve tried the first few times I did it. From how I see them react, I see that they feel it. Guilt is what makes them regret what they have done. I don’t. Its a mystery yes, one that ill forever be excluded from  uncovering.

They play different roles. Father, Brother, Cop, Detective, Hero. I find it intriguing. Perhaps because I'll never be one, but humans are interesting to me. The way they get along, quarrel, give life to and take it back. Its quite intriguing how they have it all while I'm stuck with only the latter. Life's only obligation, after all, was to be interesting. And I am having too much fun to stop now. Oh well. Easy come easy go.

“Another beautiful Miami day. Mutilated corpses with a chance of afternoon showers. I got dressed and went to work”. - Dexter