Naked
and weary, she trudged through the hollow streets of a nameless place. Her pain blinded her vision, and did not
allow her to make sense of the dusty footpath that opened up before her like a
serpent spitting malice and remorse. Tears streamed down her face, marking a
steady trail of dirt and grime at its wake. She was in a state of trance, like an insane
animal, unable to steer her own movements. At times, she couldn’t walk, but
merely staggered on her knees until her palms, already raw and bleeding, were
her only support on the pitying earth. There were people around her, who were
shouting obscenities at her. She didn’t hear or understand what they were saying.
Her pain was too much, too deep to care. To care about anything else anyone
else was doing or saying. They didn’t understand. How could they. They did not
know. Nor would they care if they knew. This was her fault. Her burden to bare.
No one else. She alone had let these dreadful events take place. It was she who
left her adored parents behind and eloped with her handsome lover. It was she
who had left her husband dead at the wake of a lethal snake bite. It was she
who had lost her newborn to an eagle that carried it off as pray. It was she
who had let her eldest drown in the raging river. She had lost everything dear
to her within a matter of few hours.
They
would never know her pain. Only saw her wretched naked self running through the
streets. “The mad wench with no shame”
they screamed after her and assaulted her with sticks and stones that bruised
her already weak body. Her heart
screamed in anguish and her body flayed to reach out to someone who could help
her forget, or bring back what she lost.
Someone at the market place, out of pity pointed out in the direction of a nearby sanctuary where a wise man lived. ‘He may be able to make peace in you,’ said they.
Someone at the market place, out of pity pointed out in the direction of a nearby sanctuary where a wise man lived. ‘He may be able to make peace in you,’ said they.
She ran
in that direction, and found herself in a garden. One which had trees and
bushes and flowers scattered throughout. There, among the foliage she saw a
man. She fell in front of Him in a
crumpled heap of dirt and penitence. In her state of despair, she did not
bother to be civil or polite but went to demand pity and console.
“I lost
everything” she cried.
“What is this ‘everything’ that you speak of?” He inquired out loud, as though asking a question from himself rather than directed at her. He seemed a little preoccupied by the looks of him. He was walking among the trees, slowly stroking their tender leaves. He didn’t even look at her. But merely spoke to the general air around him. And before she could reply with her plight, he continued once again, speaking more to the general air around him.
“What is this ‘everything’ that you speak of?” He inquired out loud, as though asking a question from himself rather than directed at her. He seemed a little preoccupied by the looks of him. He was walking among the trees, slowly stroking their tender leaves. He didn’t even look at her. But merely spoke to the general air around him. And before she could reply with her plight, he continued once again, speaking more to the general air around him.
“What is
it about life that makes you happy? That makes you want to live? Is it the
people around you, your family, your children?......Then it is love? Yes? It is
love that makes you happy. That makes you whole. Each and every part of love
has a face and name, isn’t? But then how is it that these names and faces that
bought you so much happiness make you unhappy?”
“When
they are lost”
“It’s a
simple equation, really. If some entity were to make you happy by being close
to you, it is quite obvious that by this entity moving away, you will feel sadness.
Does that make any sense, I wonder.”
Again,
he seemed to be preoccupied. No. Thoughtful. As though weighing his own
assumptions against each other.
“Isn’t
that the nature of things? To come and go? Like the sun. Or a hurricane. Each of them leaving happiness or sadness at
its wake. The question isn’t why or how it happens. The question is do you want
to continue in this cycle knowing that at times you will be ecstatically happy
or unhappy? Or would you rather break free and find peace within you.
If
it is happiness that you always seek, you will chase those things that make you
happy and you may never stop that chase. The ‘desire’ to be happy and free of
suffering will always make you want to seek these. And when you have them, you
are overjoyed. But what happens when you lose them? You are sad once more. And
the cycle continues. It doesn’t necessarily have to be loved ones. Even riches
and fame will make you want to chase them. Peace within you is the absence of
both happiness and sadness. The interaction and the collision between these
two, within you has to stop if you want to feel ‘peace’.
It is a
vicious cycle, you see. Of ‘being’ and ‘not being’. Of happiness and of
suffering. Would you believe me if I said that the tears you have shed at the
loss of people you love, throughout the time you have spent wandering this
earth would overflow the seven oceans? Or is that too preposterous? Death
overwhelms you, I understand. But no one can beat it. It is inevitable.”
Patachara
thought about what he said. She was unhappy. She was suffering. She had lost
everything. But what is it this man just said? Could it be true that she have
lost so many people, and had suffered so many times over and over again? Confusion
momentarily replaced pain as she pondered on this new idea. The reason for my suffering is that I lost my
loved ones. How do I get rid of this sadness? The reason for my happiness was
my family. Now that they are gone, I feel sadness. If the reason for sorrow is
understood, what if we could somehow, make the reason go away? Eliminate the
‘reason’? Is that even possible? What is
the reason for suffering?'
As the
madness that had consumed her hours before slowly melted away she began to
think more clearly. As though a person looking at her own self, from outside
her own body. She saw herself to be naked. Ashamed, she quickly sought some
form of covering and returned to walk beside the wise man.
‘What then, is not temporary? How does one eliminate the reason behind suffering?’
She inquired, absorbed in where the conversation was heading.'
‘Well,
everything is temporary isn’t it? All of these attachments that we have? And
its not just the people in our lives. Some would chase happiness through riches
and fame. But are they forever?’ He asked her.
‘I don’t
think so’ she answered uncertainly. She was once again silent, as she was
mulling over what he said. It isn’t as easy as it appears. No. They aren’t
certainly forever. Everyone I loved, left. Whoever I seek now to fill that
void, will one day leave too. Then, again I will be unhappy. And it will go on.
This information was quite new to her, but she felt that there was some truth
to it. He knew what he was talking about. Perhaps he has found the truth
already. She thanked him for his advice, and requested that she be his disciple.
She wanted to seek out the truth behind what he said.
`
And so
started on her journey to find peace. She thought about what happened to her,
and this time, she did not feel sadness. Instead, she felt the empty void
within her filled with the desire to seek the truth. She felt a purpose grow
within her. She replayed the events over and over inside her head, and
thought about the temporal nature of it all. Without the distractions of her
previous life, her children, her husband, family, were just fragments of her
past that no longer affected her. She did not carry their burden on her
shoulders, but sought the truth. She no longer felt lost and tortured. The
events that conspired no longer related to herself. One that no longer felt the
pain of loss, because she did not consider herself ‘owner’ of said people.
She felt detached. She saw them as other individuals who
had been roaming about on earth beside her, but had left this plane of existence. She now felt empty. No longer sad and
tormented. If this is what happens over and over again in life, I see no point
in my personal misery, she thought. It is simply, the nature of things. One cannot
preserve the things that bring about happiness because all of it is temporary. '
She was
more observant of the nature around her. The trees, and the animals. The winds,
the skies, and the earth. She felt as though the universe was slowly unraveling
itself in front of her. She lived among the trees, and the shrubs, dressed
modestly, and ate only enough to keep her body functioning. Like the wise old
man, she sometimes found herself to be deeply immersed in her natural surroundings.
She found peace among the trees and the animals. A form of peace that allowed
her to think clearly. Things she did not notice before, she began to see now. She
held a special fondness for water. She would sit by the side of the small water
hole, close her eyes and listen. The sound of water trickling down was soft to
her ears. And its touch light and pure. Its opaque texture let her see through
it. Sometimes, she would see the bottom of the river bed, and at other times,
she saw the little creatures that made it their home. The currents in it
reminded her of the day she lost her child. It was water that took away everything
long ago, wasn’t it? The harsh and ravages currents from her past, briefly brushed by her inner eye. She washed her feet with water and saw that the small
slope made it slowly flow downwards. In the water that trickled past her feet, and into the river she found what she was looking for. The transient nature of
life.
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