Meditation

Golly bee. I started to meditate today! Or at least something close to it. I sat my bawananu yodi self on the floor, tried doing that whole eraminiya gothagena (sitting on the floor like a lady) thing but ended up cursing up all sorts of nastiest and then finally after much huff and puff, managed to arrange my limbs in a more comfortable position and tried to remember what I know about meditation.

My biggest problem was to get my mouth to shut up. It just wouldn’t stop yammering. It was talking, talking and just taking. It was like I had a Dory in Finding Nemo, right there living and ranting on inside my head.  “What do you remember about meditating? - Dude, you need to ask someone this stuff before doing it, or refer some manual shit – oh wait, remember those school days you used to sit for 45 minutes and listen to some dude saying stuff about breathing and not hating on other people - adho remember eh kale (those days) when you were forced to mediate every Thursday morning? – everybody pretended to do It cuz some prefect was watching- some buggers even got various sicknesses bade amaruwa kiyai dathe amaruwa kiyai (some had diarrhea, others needed dentists) – eka eka leda bawana karanna ona welawata (numerous sickness would crop up when it was time to meditate) - at times when the prefect was not there you ate, slept, gossiped, did homework- adho wonder what the boobies are saying on wsap no? ai yako assignment karanne nedda meh bali bootha hitha hitha inne nethuwa (quit thinking of nonsense and focus on your assignments!) ....’ and that endless ranting went on and on forever inside my head. Now I feel for everyone who’s out there who has ever had to bare up with me when I talk.  Honestly, I feel for you, dude. I really do. As it is, it’s difficult to get my physical mouth to stop yapping. Its further difficult when it’s a non-existing mouth  that can’t even be clamped shut. *exasperated sigh*  

On a more serious note.

He wasn’t lying when he said it was difficult to control it. Our mind I mean. It’s like an endless void where things just keep on overlapping everything else. Dreams, starving children in Africa, work, people, I need to get rid of this bundi fat, the war in Syria, books, pets, cloths, damn it I forgot to shave, exams, famine, I’m hungry, I HAVE ASSIGNMENTS, that Malaysian plane that went missing, thoughts and distractions all in one giant thing that you can’t even physically touch.  What do you do when you have this massive uncontrollable roller coaster inside you that you can’t even touch, see, let alone stop? You start taking control. Take control. Let that statement sink in. I’ll say it again for better effect. Take control. 

Think of it as a wild horse. Rough and ferocious out of the mountains. It’s strong legs pinning to go back into the forests where it had everything. Where it could feel pain and suffering when it was hungry. And happiness and pleasure when it found food. The excitement when it was being chased by a  mountain lion. The triumph it felt after escaping it. The fear of being chased again. Hold on to it tight. Tame it.

Eliminate the distractions. The mountain lion. The edible grass. The forest. The ego. Let it know that all these are mere distractions. Physical things that bind the mind into wanting more and more of it. If its happiness you are looking for, find it within the absence of sadness and not of gain. If you want to give, give but do not expect anything in return. For if you do expect anything, that again is want. But give because you find peace in giving. Peace of mind is when you stop pinning to go back into the forest. Stop ‘wanting’ anything. Because wanting will only create sadness since you might not get what you want. The horse wants to go back into the forest. But it can’t. And that makes it sad. But if it didn’t want to go to the forest in the first place, would it still be sad? And even if it did go back into the forest, it would be still be temporary happiness, because whatever is  will soon be isn’t  because everything is subjected to change. Everything is temporary. 

Not wanting anything in the first place, eliminates sadness and happiness both and replaces it with an emptiness. This emptiness doesn’t feel happiness, or sadness, or excitement, or fear, or anger, or any of the usual emotions A sense of calmness that is both fulfilling and satisfying. I’d like to call it peace. I find peace in nature. In the trees, in the water, sunlight, animals. I find it beautiful because I do not ‘want’ any of it. None of it belongs to me or owe themselves to me. I expect nothing out of them, but I appreciate their existence because I do not want anything from them. If you give, give it without expecting any of it back. If you love, love freely. Love truly. Love every living soul. Love without selfish pinning. Treat them with compassion, and understanding. Share this new found inner peace with them.

I’d take a step further and eliminate myself from this equation of  “I want happiness”. First remove ‘I’. Me, myself and my ego. The sense of oneself. There is no ‘I’ anywhere. I am not mine. I do not belong to myself or anyone. Everything that belongs to me now, will not be forever mine. Even this body, this shell that I pamper and wash and dress up in pretty clothing will one day decay into the earth. That which I carry this endless void in, itself is not mine. 

Then remove ‘want’. That is desire. Eliminate desire so that you do not feel the absence of nothing. What are you left with? Happiness. 

Take control of it. Your mind. Let it breathe. Let it ruffle its mane and break its shackles. Let it see beyond what you see as. Expand it. Beyond the limits of the physical body, the illusions and the distractions.   

And that my gentle sirs and ladies, concludes what happened when I tried to meditate today. o.O