Five things I like about being a vegetarian

You have been warned. The following post will include personal, graphic details that may unhinge your sensory perceptions. It contains details of the writer’s life that you probably….. no wait, definitely, can do without knowing. No seriously. Your life will be changed for the worse, or grosser by the knowledge of the following facts. 

Ok, so I was dropping the corn at work today (here, quit judging. It was the need of the hour, mostly because I needed to be as light weighted and relaxed as possible for the ensuing hours, because I had a presentation to do at class). My head was filled with things that I should be saying when I caught a whiff of what was being released. All I could think was ‘Oh Dear Lord Above, What in God’s good earth is that? I’m a horrible human being!!! I’m going to have to empty my perfume bottle in here! What has the next person to go to the loo done to receive this kind of treatment?  Call the Quarantine Squad” *shrieks inside head* 

Prelude

I had gone to a BBQ the night before with my girls and of course as with all BBQ, the menu included meat, meat and more meat. I’m usually a vegetarian but when I attend such functions as these, I ignore this fact. Why? mostly out of convenience. Sometimes when I’m the only vegetarian at a get- together and they have more meat & fish things on the menu, seeing me with an almost empty plate, makes the hosts uncomfortable. 

Picture me all huff and puff, refusing to eat anything because the hosts forgot or did not know of it. Rather than suffering endless ranting of “Can I please make an omelets for you? Soooo sorry about this/ Ayyo, you should have told me you were a vegetarian else I’d have made something noh? Here, you can’t eat cake or ice cream cuz they’re made of animal stuff, right?” I chose the option of just eating the dam thing without making a deal out of it. 

Why not? I’m not a vegetarian for religious reasons nor should I anticipate beheading if I do eat meat occasionally. I only refuse meat because I love animals and prefer if they do not have to die to keep me full and happy. Some of you will argue that the animal is already dead and that me eating animals will not help.  My retort to you can be summed up with a gesture of my third finger. 

That being said, I will not refuse a dish I have never, up to that point, had or something mouth wateringly delicious looking just because I don’t eat animals. 99% guilt free, I do enjoy it.

Others might say I’m fake and I’m a failure at being a vegetarian. Fake would be if I really really like it and still won’t go for it because of my ‘vegetarian’ label. Not fake would if I see it, I don’t like it and therefore I don’t eat it. 

Screw that. I gorged myself in all the types of meat. Only today, sitting on the loo contemplating, did I realize it that it was a poor case of judgment on my behalf.

A few reasons why being a vegetarian is nice.

1)      You’re poop won’t smell!

It’s true. I hadn’t had this much meat in this quantity in like, forever and the ensuing stench is, in one word out-of-this-world. My usual greeny poop very rarely smells. And even if it does, I assure you, it does not, I repeat, does not smell like a world abomination.

Reminds me of the Poo-Pourri clip on 9gag, attached here for your viewing pleasure .http://9gag.tv/v/1145

 

2)      A general light weighted disposition.

Another thing I’ve noticed, and vegetarians will agree is the feeling of light weightiness. A mostly veg meal as opposed to a meaty meal will take far less strain on digestion hence giving you that extra skip on your feet. 

3)      The calories

Here’s a topic that will attract the banal ‘ohmygod. I’m so fat’ folk. Over the years, I’ve noticed that being a vegetarian, my calorie intake is less which automatically reduces or keeps at constant, the weighing cubes. 

Eka kiwwa gaman don’t go to stop eating meat just because you want to stay slim. That’d be the stupidest thing I’d hear today. If you love eating meat, by all means, do so. If you are worried that you’re over weight, there are other ways to keep fit.

The way I see it and what I usually do is, I eat what I eat. (No seriously, I eat quite a lot of god-knows-what’s-out-there in what-quantities) Then confess and ask for forgiveness each morning. Then start eating all over again. :D

Do not read me wrong, I’m a vegetarian NOT because I wish to keep the calories at bay, far from it. It just so happens that, it’s just an additional point. Better yet, I can stuff myself with more of the food I love the most because like meat, it doesn’t fill you up so fast and therefore I am free to shove it down.

A tip to the banal I'm-fat-I-need-to-loose-weight-to-fit-that-dress, you have a choice not be the sama‘harak’ stereotypical type society wants you to be. You don’t have to be able to be this thin or that thin to be good looking. As long as you’re comfortable with your body and are able to carry it around without difficulty, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. 

To me, the human body is the greatest tool we’ll ever possess, and we do wonders with it. Treating one’s own body with the respect it deserves and the discipline it requires in itself, is a virtue.

Something to keep in mind however is that if one is overweight and as a result finds it difficult to go by day-to-day activities and diet, then one might be concerned ( diabetes and cholesterol and heart diseases and shit) and would consider a more wiser healthier eating schedule.

Trust me when I say this, medical bills + old age are the shits. 

4)      The middle path

A wise man once said to leave 1/3 of your bundi space for digestion and that 2/3 is perfectly enough for a person to carry on their day to day activities. If we do fill the 1/3 it is pure gluttony and not necessity. Those who wish to follow a maddyama prathipadawa can look at it that way too. 

(Something else that I notice when talking about eating habits in the locale, (now that we’re in the topic) is the ‘bada pirenna nemei hitha pirenna’ theory. I see people eating pounds of rice replicating Ruwan valy saya’s. They can’t breathe, let alone move, budge or do anything after a lunch like that. Its completely fiiiiiiiiiine that you love stuffing yourself, I do too! But just not that efficient when you consider a work environment for example, is it?)

5)      You save a life

Well, don’t you? It’s nice to know that because you decided on something, someone else gets to live. It doesn’t happen in that order of course. Animals will be killed day after day after day. You will probably not be able to change that. It’s still nice to know that you cared enough to let go of something you liked because you thought of someone other than your own self.  That says something about yourself that words don’t really do justice for. (I'm not inferring that non vegetarians are self-centered neither am I inferring that vegetarians are the exact opposite.) 

If you are a vegetarian/vegan and you are reading this, I congratulate you for trying and succeeding in the art of self-discipline because I know how difficult it is to stop myself from refraining from some of the nice looking stuff.  (It is difficult at first, but then once you get used to it, you feel you’re better off without it)

Bien joue, to the times you had to deal with psychotic idiots who just loved to debate with you on how worthless your efforts are at doing something they think you have no say in. 

Finally, cheers! to living your life without depending on the death of another. (unless of course in a situation involving a crash landing on a lonely island where you only got deers and rabbits that you can survive on and you’re forced to eat meat for survival. Also in a zombie apocalypse where you could be a) a zombie living off people or b) a survivor who’d just about eat anything to stay alive, even the neighbor’s pet cat)