If I were a vampire…

In light of recent hype caused by vampire related literature and cinema, I believe it is necessary to add my own concerns regarding the matter. From Carmilla to Bram Stoker’s Dracula to Edward Cullen to Bill Compton to the Salvatore brothers to Buffy and any other paranormal anomalies in recent culture there appears to be a common denominator among all these vampires. They are Immortal, impure souls who often perish in sunlight and have inhuman strength and speed.  More notable is the fact that they consume human blood and or flesh.

 Reigning from ancient folk lore from the Persians, the Mesopotamians, Hebrews, and Ancient Greeks, vampires have been known to have existed for millennia. Despite the early 18^th century being The ‘age of enlightment’ it was considered to be reddened with vampire related mass hysteria which caused many ‘hunts’ where alleged vampires were hunted and staked in order to rid the vicinity of unexplained deaths by massive blood loss suspected to have been caused by the undead who stalked upon the living notably at night. 

The vampires have come a long way since the folklore.  Most of the cinema related vampires include Dracula, Buffy the vampire slayer, blade, Underworld, Twilight, The Vampire Diaries, True Blood and numerous other vampire inspired hoo ha.

 It got me thinking. What would I do if I were a vampire? Not that, it would be part of my bucket list, wish list or to-do list. I think it would be absolutely horrible to be immortal. All the drama about drinking blood is way over rated. It wouldn’t even work in my case since a) I’m a vegetarian and b) it is gross and c) I love normal food.

And the part about being allergic to sunlight just threw that idea right out of the window. I love the sunlight. I live in a tropical country for Crist’s sake. It would be a tad difficult to keep away from it. Just saying. The nocturnal part I’m ok with since I am NOT a morning person. But I’d still want to go out to hang my cloths in the sun or whatever so “allergic to the sun” is  a big NO for me.

I’ve noticed that vampire inspired movies and books are mostly about teenagers. Seriously? Teenagers and high school? Vampires DON’T need to attend high school. If I were a vampire first thing I would do is NOT involve myself in high school drama. Sure I’d want to learn about life and science etc but there is more to life than high school.

Instead, I’d travel the world! I’d go to each and every country, continent, state, and island I can land my butt on. And since I have super speed I’m sure I don’t even need to travel by plane. I’m sure I’ll be able to literally “walk on water” what with my new speed and agility boost.  In the movies vampires run like nobody’s business. I would join a town track team for charity of course and help the needy.

 And I’ve always wanted to be in the Red Cross or UN war front where they deploy volunteers to see if the war victims are all right and give the help and medication. Id total use my immortality and heeling ability to withstand shoot outs and bombs to help the suffering since there is enough pain and suffering in the world as it is without my evil vampire thing making it worse. More than humans id try and save animals because they deserve it more. It sounds a bit too Miss Goody-two-shoes but that’s the general plan. ;)

I’d devote my time to learn several languages and cultures because I’ve always found them to be interesting. Space travel could be cool too if only I would know how to without the use of a rocket ship. I would also contribute a significant amount of time to watch movies and read books and since I'd be good in many languages that would definitely widen my scope.

And lat but not least, Id learn how to fight like Jacki Chan and Jet Lee. i mean how cool is that?! Id be kicking bad guy butt like there's no end to it. Ha. Watch out Pedophiles, Rapists and Murders. You'l get your just rewards. 

The Don’ts

 I will not however involve myself in teenage love affairs. World domination is a no way since I do not want to involve myself in politics and besides, I’m too lazy to even run our house, let alone the whole world.

That concludes my report on what I would do if I were a vampire.