Booze vs boring

Apparently, I am boring because I do not drink or smoke. Me being boring is quite possibly true. But I am sorry that you have to swallow a ‘magic potion’ to substitute for your lack of personality.
P.s. Feel free to feel sorry for yourself and suck on that information till you die at 42 with lung cancer and or kidney failure.

Recently, I was out for dinner with a few friends when the drinks started to pour in. Bottles marked with x,y and z sat side by side in front of me when I made an announcement saying that I will not be smoking or drinking. This resulted in loud protests from everyone exclaiming that ‘that will not do’ because it was a birthday ‘celebration’ and inquired as to why the sudden change of heart because I had been a social drinker / smoker. I simply said that I was not into it any more rather than going on into specifications. (Same with why people ask me why I am a vegetarian.) There were the friendly jabs on and off but what made me stop and politely smile was the comment this one guy gave me. 

“Nad, you are boring” he said. To which I just smiled and looked away, silently laughing inside my head because I personally consider it a waste of time to talk to people like that, no matter how rude I may seem. I considered this guy to be a little bit of charmer, to be honest, like most men I encounter, who until they open their mouth, seem actually worth a minute or two of my time. It’s like how this guy mate of mine commented on some of the women he encounters. From afar, they look like the absolute bomb, plays the whole ‘acts like summer, walks like winter’ deal, is charming, rich, good looking, curvy hips *add whatever tickles your fancy* until they open their mouth. He described it as his boner actually shrinking back to its unturned on size...I was thinking – no, pleading inside my head for this guy to stop talking because the lady equivalent of the boner-shrinking was happening to me. (aka my vagina was clamped shut) By this time of course the charm had jumped off the window and was running towards the nearby cliff to jump off of it. 

Now, don’t take me wrong.  I am not insulted at that feedback. Not in the least. The comments I have received range from ‘easy to talk to’ to ‘a dickless dude with tits’ to ‘nahadichcha lamayek’ which are all true to the core. Boring is just another one. I probably am boring which, if you look at it, is something I can’t really help. What I cannot understand is how an artificial drink can make me more ‘hip’ and ‘fun’ if I am boring to begin with - unless it contains some magic ingredient which will amplify my ‘funk’. And no one told me that booze has this magic ingredient that helps people be awesome/appealing. If at all it did, it sure the heck wasn’t going in favor of this poor chap.

This I later understood was what some people do apparently. They would try to get the lady drunk enough to not reject their advancement. This is another thing that I do not get. Maybe its just me, as a person who used to get drunk, I do not recall NOT knowing what I did when I was drunk. I knew exactly what I was doing - unless I am passed flat out on the floor. Of course, things would be hazy, but I still knew what I was doing – so the notion of a person’s senses being dulled to a level of not knowing what they did, is to me, a little over rated. [1] Some people also say its okay to cheat on a committed relationship when they are drunk. Some people also say that the Earth was flat and dinosaurs didn’t exist.. But hey, maybe I’m just boring and uneducated. 

Bottom line – booze is just your excuse to be stupid. At least, in my books. So that you can get away with shit you probably would not have gotten away while sober. So all you folk out there who claim to adho-I-don’t-remember-shit – I-was-dead-drunk,  are so totally lying and I can see through you like you were a piece of plexi glass.  

Others say that they feel like they are boring at a party if they don’t drink. Honey, you are an amazing individual as it is. You might as well stay eternally drunk –like Captain Haddock for example -  if you feel that your personality lacks enough substances un-drunk in day to day life. I dunno about you, but I’d rather stay at home being boring than associate with the likes of such people who say or even indicate that. The whole hitha mithra sewanaya line from the good Lord. Know when you are in bad company. Don’t be rude, but do yourself a favour and move out. 

There is also some who say that a celebration isn’t a celebration and there are no amazing memories without a little booze. True. Cannibals weren’t cannibals without eating other human beings. My idea of fun won’t be your idea of fun. And I have the right to my opinion and you have the right to yours. But if you want memories, go out there and make some. With friends or family or whoever. Its not like you don’t make memories when you are not drunk and heck, I know plenty of people who have major fun without getting drunk because they are lively people. They love food, and they spent many a happy hours eating and having funny/intelligent conversations over food.

Then again there are those who say drinking is okay if guys do it but not if girls do it. Unlike domestic violence and the American pay check, health side effects know no gender. I’m not going to write pages of pros and cons of drinking and smoking. I’m not here to say ‘don’t drink’ or ‘don’t smoke’. By all means, do what makes you happy, be the life of the party, have fun, keep on drinking and smoking. It’s your life. But drink for the right reason. Because you want to and not because society wants you to. 

Why I turned down drinks and smokes –if anyone is wondering- is because from what the trusty internet tells me, smoking is bad for the lungs and drinking messes up your kidneys. I am not saying I am 100% health freak who stays away from burgers and eats homemade vegetables. But I do try to give my body the necessary nutrients and exercise it needs so that it can function at the optimum level and also, just maybe can function at its optimum say until another 60 – 70 years (unless pollution or the economy kills me first) without worrying and looking for extra kidneys in the black market or expensive medication for when I am old and cranky. 

That, and I have pretty much tried the entire booze and cig menus out there so I can safely say I've been there, done that to everything. Plus I'm a total buzz kill when I am drunk - I'll be in some corner hugging a bottle without actually engaging in lively conversations / mingling. Also , I'm not very partial to the smell of smoke - and it turns me off to think of kissing people who stink. Just fyi. You'd have a better chance of making out even if you looked like a troll but still smelled nice. And not mention have knack for interesting conversation topics.

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[1] However, I have read of rape cases when the girl was drunk – rape because of the level of consent involved due to intoxication which would over ride my statement above. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/14/ched-evans-rapist-sheffield-united-footballer?CMP=fb_gu